Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
