she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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