so that wasnt chicken after all
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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