i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I want a musical about memes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize