Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
