I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
