so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
