Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
