Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
