"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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