I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
