They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
