If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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