So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Dicks are not precious.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
