i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
