i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
