he wants to bone in the snuggie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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