I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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