Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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