Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
