I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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