My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
