I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize