my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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