Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
