ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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