She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
