i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
