I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
