saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
