for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
