Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
