it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
