Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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