you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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