he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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