The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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