grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
