Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
