i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
