Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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