PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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