I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
