Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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