dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
