Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
