He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
