I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
