My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
