i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
