i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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