How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
