where does the pee come out of this thing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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