dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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