a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
