god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
