eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
