I'm lost and stupid without you.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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