i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
