I just threw up on my dentist
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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