i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
