He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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