there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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