well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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