I got chris browned last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
