my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
