no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
