I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
please come you make the beer taste better
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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