sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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