i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
