my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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