he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
