I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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