Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
People in love make me want to vomit
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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