i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
