Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
