that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We have started to decorate penises.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
