the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
