I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
