I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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