I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
