girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
