I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
