New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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