I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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