Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
as a side note pls kill me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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