I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
