lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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